Have I fallen off the face of the earth?

In short, no I haven't! But what I have done is a million thing with a list as long as my arm, instead of boring you with the train-crash that is my life, I shall only share a couple of highlights of the many embarrassing moments I have experienced.
I've started taking Bikram Yoga classes, sounds boring but in all honesty it's fabulous! What wasn't so fabulous was falling for my natural urges and farting at the quietest most relaxing part of the class. Now before you judge me, we've all judged what could potentially be quiet but turns out to be a hum dinging loud one. We're all animals really right? I'm just saying this to make myself feel better to be perfectly honest with you!
Another one of my exercise exploits was to do my little bit for charity and for Comic Relief I went to a Zumba class with a friend. Apprehensive as I was at the thought of doing was is basically dancing in a room full of people so I hid at the back, I continued with enthusiasm, and in the usual fashion, it backfired on me. It was all going well and I got really into the dance; but it just came to this one move. As I mentioned, I was at the back and I bent over. So far so good but just as I bent over, my bottom plunged the whole hall into darkness because it caught the light switch. A packed hall all turned to face me to find my friend completely rinsing herself with laughter and finding it hilarious to point out to everyone that it was me who stopped them mid-Zumba.
It's not over yet! It was only yesterday actually that I pretended to be one of these 'indie child' types for the whole class to be funny. As per usual, it back fired on me once again. What I was wearing that day, was one of those popper shirts, and one the outside a sort of cardigan/shirt with poppers on too. When it came to sweeping it off in a majestic way in one foul swoop, it was at this point that it all went, dare I say; tits up. Unbeknown to me, I grabbed both tops before I unbuttoned my top and indeed in one foul swoop both tops unbuttoned and I proceeded to reveal my bra to the entire class and indeed my teacher who described the whole event to be a 'flop out.'

That's all I care to to tell you, I know that I haven't posted for what seems to be ages but I've been super busy with work and sixth forma and basically drowning in my own stress from coursework and exams- I have a weird type of dyslexia, well it is and it isn't, it's quite normal but it just means that it takes me a little bit longer to process things in my minds and to write them onto paper, so I get a bit more extra time in exams; and I get a lot more stressed! I will be writing every week now and I haven't forgotten; every Tuesday from now on, I promise.
Don't laugh, this is my life.

Let the Summer commence!

I hereby declare that this Summer is open, in some ways it is set to be the most monumental Summer of our decade. This got me thinking, as we enter Summer it's almost daunting what might happen. I cannot wait to go on holiday and (dare I say it) have some sun, it's started now and all I can think of is the end and the bad points such as my looming exam results. I suppose instead of booking myself up to the hilt everyday I should take each day at a time, and that's what I'll do. On the plus side since I have this new found freedom I shall be posting far more frequently, but today as it's 80 degrees in sunny Lymington, don't listen to me rabbiting on, go enjoy the sun!
Don't laugh this is my life...

I passed!

Yes as the title suggests I passed my driving test two weeks ago, I confess it was my second attempt but I was reassured it would make me a better. Admittedly it was my Mum and she continues to say that someday I will be famous, she also thinks that I've taken O-levels so I doubt her views have a validation! The forces of the Universe-if they exist, were really against me.

• The reason I failed the first time was because there was a third fat man in the back of the car, he wasn't a free loader, but simply assessing my examiner. That man was my examiner this time, I couldn't keep a straight face throughout my test because I was overcome with a burning desire to ask how his cough was, as he annoyed me in the back. (starting to sound like F1 with all these excuses now!)
• When reaching for the lever to open the boot I reckon I may have flashed him. the reason being that I was in some other realm while I took my test and I obviously didn't think to walk round to the other side, no. I reached over from the driver side and begged him not to fail me when I couldn't open the bonnet! 

All this was done in vain as I have adhered to the teenage stereotype and within one month of passing test, before my full license had even arrived, I reversed into a lamp post and bent the lining of my boot. All that for nothing and now I'm carless for three days. 

Don't laugh, this is my life....

Everything must go.

While on a girly sleepover at my sisters house last night she rented a film for us to watch. I don't know if anyone has heard of it, I certainly haven't but it's called, Everything Must Go. It stars Will Ferrell (the bloke off Elf) who has a very unfortunate turn of events, he ends up living on his front lawn all alone. The film is based on the short story by Raymond Carver, it's not 'Hollywoody' nor is it action packed. It simply tells the story of an alcoholic who defies the social norm by happily living on his front lawn. My sister was told it was a funny chick flick but it turned out not to matter that we weren't laughing at the cliche jokes, its purely acting at it's best. I recommend it to anyone in need of a bit of a pick up! I neither laughed nor did I cried at the indifference of the genre. It suited my indifferent mood at the moment, go watch it!
It's great to be alive at the moment, the sun is shining here in Portmore and nothing is going to bring my 'self obsessed' self down, it's got to be like that if anyone my age is to survive the next few months of the dreaded exam but whoever said that everything looks better when the sun is out, is correct. Notice the higher frequency of posts, I just get so distracted away from my coursework to a stupid extent!
Inspired by this brief ray of sun, I've also taken it as the arrival of Spring, which means my annual Spring tidy up! The 'keep' pile is considerably bigger than the 'chuck' pile, darn my hoarding menaces, but we all have to cling on to something I suppose, myself included sadly.
Don't laugh this is my life...

A capital idea?

Dear readers. 

This week I went on a 'fieldtrip' with Geography, I use the term of fieldtrip loosely in this sense because we spent a predominant amount of time doing simple the best activity for the female of the species to do, without sounding too stereotypical, it's shopping. We went to the Westfield in Stratford City, you know the place, it was shit, but now they've given it a lick of paint and built some stadium there and now its the focal point of the the Worlds media for the next six months. Seeing the Olympic stadium was no doubt impressive and captivating, a once in a lifetime opportunity some may say.

The stadium in all it's glory, so that's where all our taxes went!

My problem is not with the stadium however, it's with the 'icing on the cake' the 'pierce de resistance' that London has up it's sleeve, the ArcelorMittal Orbit is 115 metres high and was chosen by the Olymipic committee to be a long standing facility once the games has left London, this circular frame on the top (as the names suggests) orbits in a circle to see the whole of London and beyond. It was designed by Anish Kapoor and chosen because it will reinvent the London skyline and the area. If my opinion was asked, I would say that in a scuppered attempted to 'out do' Beijing in 2008, Boris Johnson was given a red crayon in his padded cell and let loose with a piece of sugar paper. To continue the 'Green Games' idea the structure is made completely out of old gas pipes, that's encouraging to know when going up on top then! No doubt that it will stay true to it's gas pipe routes and close down all roads for a number of day while no workmen do anything to it underground should it ever go wrong. Don't laugh this is my life...

After drawing this Boris really needed nap time.

An apology is in order

Dear whoever is left

So I haven't been the best in my efforts to talk to you recently but I have good reason for this foolish rut I have slipped into so sorry, but in every waking hour of my existence I've literally been non stop. I've recently finished a production of Pygmalion (My Fair Lady) in which I played the over-the-top let down of the family, Clara Eynsford Hill, I could do so much with her because she longed to have the 'small talk' of Eliza but was surrounded by the social elite, she and her family were social climbers, it was a great production and everyone I spoke to loved it, how kind of them to amuse me like that!

Here I am strutting my stuff onstage-

I loved that hat. Hollie was an amazing Eliza!

After some normality had been restored during the late nights and rushed scene changes, I rediscovered some normality into my life and was happily working one day in the shop when two ladies walked in and RECOGNISED ME! I know it was on the smallest scale possible but I was so happy and grateful that they came out with the highest of praise that I turned bright red, yes I caught sight of myself in the mirrors at work, I looked like a burst tomato. If anyone has every had this feeling it's infectious and exhilarating, not from an egoistic point of view but just to be given recognition, I suffer from a distinct lack of confidence in literally everything I do, even now I still cannot listen to my radio show through fears of hating the sound of my own voice. I don't think they quite knew how happy it made me, well, they must have done because not only did i resemble a burnt pepper, I also lost the ability to speak; the second time in my whole like that has happened ( the first was when I was handed my signed copy of Take Thats' album, scroll down for that fun chapter!) I spent the whole day as chuffed as anything. If my dreams do come true and this takes off for me, I really need to handle social situations much better, countless times I have embarrassed myself with inappropriate jokes and musings, it has to stop if I'm going to be a 'Layde' to quote Eliza Dolittle.

Christmas festivities!

How I love Christmas, despite the lack of snow this year, although I don't think that we could have coped with no snow and the breakup of Chaz and Dave in all one year, we are British after all. As I am a Christian I believe in celebrating the birth of Christ, the miracle on this Earth with my family and seeing the joyous look of happiness across their face when I give my presents on that fateful day, that comes but once a year. As none of us have any money at the moment, and all that bankers do; I think this year is the best opportunity for us all the celebrate the 'true meaning of Christmas' without sounding like I've been spending too much time with Walt Disney.
Instead of being miserably sat without a turkey and dodgy homemade crackers that don't even pop due to a spontaneous thought while watching a famous cooking floozy on the box, remember that's it's not all about receiving top of the range presents, well certainly not this year. Who knows what next year will bring, if even there will be one as next year is the highly anticipated 2012!!! Have a good Christmas and hopefully see you at the start of next year.
Don't Laugh This Is My Life...

What a journey!

Well as you can see, it's been a long while Bloggers.
So now in the quickest list possible I shall list my actions for the past months, that I have foolishly not elaborated on. After reading you'll soon see why, so here goes!

• Sat my GCSEs.
• Done alright in my GCSEs.
• Started Sixth Form- It's all about the AS girls!
• Seen Take That at Wembley Stadium with my sister- The single 'Greatest Day' with the single greatest sister!
• Turned 17.
• Started driving lessons- God help us all!
• Been ice skating, after 10 years developing my skills, I can now stand up for a whole session.
• Joined a production of Pygmalion- more on that to come, stay Blogging.
• Got myself Coldplay Tickets for 2012.
• Eaten way too much, whats new?
• Moved in the cottage, love the country life.
• Developed a new love of Nail Art.
• Had a Fish Pedicure.
• I was made to get drunk by my loving, caring friends.
• Fallen off a chair in a theatre.
• Sprained my ankle on rock while running to take a picture of a rainbow.
• Been on Holiday to France with my best friend in the whole wide world.
• Decided that I do infact like Jaffa Cakes.
• Avoided Blogger, please forgive me.

Wow, that was a mouthful, as you've red, it's been a busy one. I tell you this now Blogger, it's only just starting for me, thats for sure. I've caught the bug, I don't know what my symptoms are, but I'm not going to finish on this Earth until I get what I want and feed the beast inside me. I already have a voice to be heard, but if it's possible I need it to be even louder.

My mood at this current point in time can be described as this, hopeful. That's enough of the dramatics from me, I cannot wait for Christmas this year and I hope that everyone has a good one, I shall be posting alot more often now. Fear not Bloggers, Alice is well and truely back!

Don't Laugh, This is my Life...

The simplest of things can brighten up your day.

I am a strong believer in Karma, which is why I always try to be nice to people, I don't want it to come round and bite me on the metaphorical bum because there's no worse place to be honest.

Today was a beautiful morning, the perfect morning of course to be cooped up in an exam hall, the universe rewarded me though by giving me a lift to school from my friends dad (she sings by the way, really well http://www.youtube.com/AliD12341) and then on top of that we listened to Chris Evans, something I don't usually do because of the time I go to school but I love his show in the morning, I only hope I can be half as good as him some day. While I was sat in the traffic jam waiting to go to school, we had friendly banter and great music, the makings of a perfect day to come you may think? Alas two exam awaited me once I got to school. But my day went sky high when I was handed this-

OH MY GOD! You can imagine my excitement, plus Mark Owen gave me a kiss, a kiss! Thats enough to make my day for the next three or four years!

Don't laugh this is my life...

she's crackin'

Two in one day! Sick of me yet? This must be what my listeners go through!
This is my friends YouTube account, she has just started record covers and songs. Her voice is beautiful and I am so envious of her talent, she was a tad apprehensive to load them on YouTube though, I have no idea why  though. Please watch, subscribe, tell your friends and most importantly, love her! She would also love your feedback, thank you so much. x
http://www.youtube.com/AliD12341
Don't laugh, this is my life.....

I've missed this.

Yes It's me again my friends.
I've truelly missed the worry that goes through my mind every time I open Blogger. I worry no one will read this!
As I'm sure you're aware I haven't been posting as much as I could have, what have you been doing with yourselves eh? I shall be giving you more depth to my life once my GCSEs are over and Summer can begin.
Please follow me on http://twitter.com/#!/Alice_does_this
And stay tuned to my show, tonight at 10pm on thepark fm.
Don't laugh, this is my life...

Karma, it exists.

So last month I was in a really bad place. I was made redundant from my job, I was homesick after moving house and I didn't know what to do with myself.
This week I've had feedback on my show that people only dream of. Someone that works with a top radio DJ loves my show already. I honestly have no idea what is happening, to top all this off, Howard Donald has my poster! Things are picking up for me now, I am so grateful to everyone I honestly don't know whats happened to me. I can taste it now, it's sweet, indulgent and fairly addictive. Bring it on!
To listen to my show please go to
http://www.thepark.fm/
I currently have an oddest bod feature running where I want to hear the oddest position you've found yourself in this week, you could remain on the leaderboard until knocked off.
And I'm on the lookout for a intro song to my show.
Thank you and let me know what you think
Dont laugh, this is my life...

Broken into show business..

Yes that's right, from that first moment I proudly strode onto the stage as the Grumpy Sheep in The Grumpy Sheep, I knew my calling had come. It was louder than ever when I played Duffy at the tender age of just 7 in Annie.



Toothless gappy smile there,love it!



But now, finally after many years I have a voice to be heard. It's been reluctantly heard by namy for 16 years now, but I have an audience of people, that tune in to hear my voice, incredible! I have my OWN show on a local community radio station and after my first show last week, I loved it! It was the stragest thing to turn on the radio to hear myself. Sadly my laptop wasn't working for my airwaves debut so we resorted to crowding around the DAB radio in Dads car, I heard myself in surround sound, torture! I sounded scared and timid, infact I was. Scared and timid that with any button I may press the rest of the broadcasting of the day would be scuppered because of me, a scary thought when you have a recording studio to yourself! I loved it all the same though, I'm slowly learning the ropes and throughly enjoying the ride, all my fellow broadcasters are so nice and sent me words of congratulations after my first show, not much to some people I understand, but for me, it was as good as an Oscar-that's all to come!

If you would like to tune into my show heres the link

http://www.thepark.fm/ my show is on a Monday night at 10pm UK time, thank you.

Dont laugh, this is my life...

The face at the window..

Since moving to Lymington my family and I have taken advantage of all the stunning views and walks with our savage dog, Daisy. This week we walked past a house that had a local Estate Agents board outside, beautiful place, tucked away in a lane full of flowers with a view of Lymington river. It had an intriguing building in the garden, I decided to investigate after realising that it was empty, in retrospect I should have seen the car in the drive, I naturally didn't see this until I was running away from the house with my Dad. What gave us reason to high tail it pretty swiftly away was the following. I mooched around the garden, sat on the garden swing while my Dad gave the garden flowers the once over. I then peered into the pond and opened the BBQ. We were impressed with the views, something we also observed when we stood on the garden bench to observe the boats going by. Time went on and I reckon we were in this garden for about twenty minutes. I began to look at the outside walls and the pretty old style windows the property boasted. On the second floor was a long window by the stairs, there, by the window, was a man. He was stood there giving us an unimpressed look of astonishment. I smiled at the poor bloke. The wind had well and truely changed on my face at this point while I maintained the fakest grin and signaled to my Dad that there was someone at the window. I chased after the dog who was roaming free at this point as I dropped her lead when I saw 'the face at the window'. We ran out leaving nothing but the garden swing still in motion. As I left the drive I read what the board actually said. Sold. I really need to be more observant.
Dont laugh, this is my life...

Revising...

Maybe I have been revising too long, maybe I have been flicking through these pages too long, hoping something might just go in.Wishful thinking on my part there. I was sat at my desk, my imaginary chains forcing me to revise the quadratic formula when my Mum came into the room and asked where that screwdriver we had was, stupidly I ask why.
"Because I have a screw loose." She said in a casual way, with no knowledge of the other reference.
I've been revising far too long, I found this far too hilarious for too long.
I need to get out now.
Dont laugh, this is my life...

These people get serious

Thats right, what you are looking at right now, I made. I'd love to continue say that it was all by myself, but my sister could read this. We made it 'together', if together means being told where I could take my suggestions about how to stick the royal icing on or flintching everytime she pickes up the rolling pin. So this week was my nieces 4th birthday, a lovely family event for all. It seems it isn't the case in suburban Lymington. It's a competition of the toughest, an opportunity for the Mothers to show off their ploomage of cake decoration and daring stunts with the humble sausage roll. They take it very seriously if you hadn't noticed by this time. I helped out at this 'competition to see who can make the nicest looking cupcakes and birthday cake' with a few kids running around. Basically, the winner is declared when their cupcakes are eaten the quickest by a load of 3/4 year olds that just want to eat the bright coloured frosting as fast as they can, to then pretend that they haven't been given their first one. They then leave the table, high on thier latest sugar spree to run around the room until someone gets hurt and they all go home crying. Gotta love these childhood memories.
Dont laugh, this is my life....

Theres always next year..

So this week was Mothers Day, the one day of the year that I have to be 'nice' to my Mum, the one day of the year I have to be all soppy and call her Mummy a couple of times. This all sounds pretty straightforward I suppose, but combined with the sibling competition every year that occurs in my family, I'm sad to say that I think I lost yet AGAIN! I bought my Mum, the new R.E.M album, rubbish band, why some people think they can continue making music after being around for so long and still expect it to be 'cool' is just wrong in my opinion. I also stretched my culinary skills to the maximum when I made scrambled eggs. I must admit that it took the shine off it a bit when I had to use a knife to scrape it out of the pan and onto my Mums cold toast after the whole kerfuffle. We turn up a few hours later to my sisters house who has made a banquet. Miles of cakes, tea, sandwiches, and nibbles. I saw the look on my Mums face, I saw that she has chosen who would get the majority of the will, shame that, I need a new Ipod! As I sat opposite my sister, she smugly showed 1-0 with her hands, I could have quite easily thrown my 'queen of puddings' cake at her, followed by her pretentious 'cheese twists with a herb coating', makes me sick. As much as she continued to say that she loves afternoon tea, personally I think that nothing beats breakfast.
Dont laugh, this is my life...

You better not laugh!

For once, I'm being serious, no really I am! After recent developments in my life I have discovered the following. People that I once thought of as friends, people that I once thought of a colleagues turn thier back on you; except those outstanding individuals that see you for who you are and go out of their way to hold out their hand. This also tops off how little solidarity we have towards the rest of humanity, except there is something quite inhuman in the way that we treat eachother, it's practically primitive. We are all shoved onto this Earth whether we like it or not, the least we could all do is to get on with each other.

My apologies about that, it has been eating me inside for some days now, gasping for a release. This week I saw John Bishop at the BIC,after seeing him at the Apollo and various panal shows I knew what he was about, I am now a huge fan of hus. The man is hilarious, not only is his Liverpudlian accent a credit to his jokes, they somehow make it funny. I found myself laughing at the times he was complaining about marriage and the common adult and looking over at my sister to suggest that she is exactly what he is talking about. She hadn't had a day out since Christmas and rugulary makes attempts to murder her Husband. But my sister seeked revenge when he then had a stab at his teenage children, according to my sister I have a funny voice and my hair cut is odd. She found was laughing so hard she was rocking the whole row of seats at one point, our fellow audience gave us disapproving looks, I knew it wasn't going to be a smoothly executed night when I forgot the tickets and had to 'run' back to the car to get them, which was locked so I had to break into it.
Dont laugh, this is my life...

You're right, I am an idiot!

When I look back over my life, when I look back over this week even, I can name too many occasions I've made a fool of myself, I don't quite know why this is? But it always seems to be something people always remember when we reminisce about days gone by. It seems to start with, "Alice, I cannot believe you did that!" or "Who does that Alice?", me that's who! Today was a perfect example, we were studying Avatar in RS, trying to find the religious significance in blue guys running around an island with not many clothes, I couldn't see the significance in that myself personally, feel free to say though if you have. Instantly my friend piped up reminding me that when we went to see it at the cinema she remembers when I shot back in my seat, grasping both arm rests expecting something to leap out at me at any moment ( I hadn't seen a 3D film before) I soon realised it didn't and I enjoyed the film, not without stretching my head back in the jumpy bits still afraid it would jump out at me, she gave me disapproving looks.
We were also discussing our A-level choices, which led to someone else laughing that I didn't choose to do a tech for my GCSEs based on the fact I sanded a chunk of my thumb on the electric sander, determined to get a smooth jigsaw box in Woodwork. I splattered Lasagne sauce all up the blinds in Food Tech, its probably still there to be honest, it got covered. I broke a precision drill in Graphics, at the time I blamed someone else. I went a bit to far into it though saying that she broke it in a sabotage attempt in the dead of night while being lowered in on a wire, I never really know when to stop.
I guess that's the kind of person I am. I hope I grow out of it one day, I'd like to eat Lasagne again.
Dont laugh, this is my life....

The Last Time

Sorry I haven’t said much, to any of you that are interested. I have been caught up in revision, revision and then a bit more. I have been thinking about my blog though, feeling bad that I haven’t posted in a week. It echoed in my mind like a forgotten puppy. The most influencial thing that has happened to my this week has to have been at work. We were considerably short staffed with only two people for a four person Cafe, nevertheless myself and my friend didn’t let this overcome us. I was keen to gain responsibility and gratification in the workplace ( I wanted to be a suck up to my boss) so much that I volunteered my services in the Cafe kitchen, I would be preparing the dishes for the lunchtime rush, which including multi-tasking. ( that’s ruled me out) After watching my colleague do it with ease, I asked myself how hard it could be? It turns out it has to be one of the most mentally testing tasks I’ve done in my entire life, and I’ve sat two Physics exams, that fact that I scraped a C in both is by the by. At what had to be the pinnical of the lunch time rush period, my boss decided to walk in inquiring how things are going, I answered positively as a teacake was burning behind me, the soup was spluttering on the stove and I was throwing a hot Jacket Potato around, those things get hot! She of course, didn’t buy this so left me to it. Looking back, everyone got fed. It may not have been what they ordered, but some people would call it food!
Dont laugh, this is my life…