How relaxing….

Again, I’m very sorry for not posting, there is no reason really, I just forgot. This week is half term, thank God for that. It always seems to go just as quickly as it came again, bloody marvellous. Today I decided to use my voucher for a facial from Christmas to help myself relax after all the stresses and strains of teenage life, It’s very draining stalking peoples Facebook and takes great skill finding things to do in my house other than revise, this wears thin after a while. First of all, I expected all my stresses to drop off as soon as I stepped through the doors of the Simply B beauty salon (if only that happened when I walked through the doors of the gym). I arrived late and she bundled me into the treatment room and demanded that I stripped to my underwear, she did all this with a voice that sounded like she had been smoking spliffs all day, I felt like I was in a low rent Mafia movie. In all fairness the facial was amazing, I recommend them to everyone, well anyone who bothers to read this. I was relaxed the whole duration of the facial, except there was a part of my mind thinking, “What would happen if I fell asleep?”Now, those of you who know me understand what this means, for those strangers out there, it means bad news. In my sleep, I have been know to ramble on about fridges, answer Mark Owens sexual suggestions and snore a little. Not the best habits to have when your being massaged. I didn’t fall asleep, there is a God. So far, that’s all that’s happened this week, but it is only Wednesday and I have got Alice coming round on Friday, anything could happen!
Don’t laugh, this is my life

Reporting Back.

Again, sorry about my lateness, I had to make a cake for Harrys birthday with my friend who is also called Alice (I love her), and I reckon he would have been a bit miffed if I chose my blog over him, because he set his little heart on it.It took two and a half hours to make, filled with singing and a couple of spillages here and there, we were also very worried that the icing resembled building materials, ironically it turned out to be the best tasting part! I wish they hadn’t eaten the cake really, it was so picturesque. It was like sacrificing one of the family.

I’m sure many of you know the sudden rush of sickness and frozen fear when it is announced to you that reports ‘are coming out today’. That’s wrong for a start, firstly ‘person who just told me’ don’t look at me like that knowing yours will be better than mine, it may be but have you looked at yourself recently, you look like you should in captivity with that amount of make up on, surely you must get signals from planes asking where they should land when you look that orange? Secondly, reports came out years ago, they are all gay! And don’t say it with so much anticipation likes it the tricky third album, for me its the ‘how the hell am I supposed to Tipex that remark out when you bloody type it’ album. So it wasn’t bad I suppose, I was proud that it was noticed that I have a ‘great grasp of comedy timing’ what this means I’ll never know, but I have yet to explore the rest of my life. I have still been fooling around in lessons, but to me that means chatting with my friends, to my parents it means different,dancing on the tables, something my mum thought I did when she red that I fool around in lessons, if only, alas a boring Physics lesson at Bournemouth School for Girls is not a scene from Fame, saying that there are some teachers I would rather not see in Lycra and legwarmers. The hard part comes now though, I have to be a geek for the next few months, better brush up on my Warhammar tactics and get my hair greasy now then!

Dont laugh this is my life…

Smashing.

First of all, I feel an apology is in order, to the one remaining 'fan' I may have, if your out there somewhere. I regret to say that this post is overdue three days. Before you light the pitch forks and drive your wring hands to my neck, allow me to explain my shameful self. Sadly, since I can remember I've been forever tested on at school, prepped for tests and quizzed more times than I care to remember, so thats basically whats been holding me up from posting. The toils of a teenager hung heavy around my neck this week more so than usual, but what can you do but laugh?

So as the name entails, this week is no different to any other week in my life. Wednesday saw my group and I perform our drama practical, which consists of a couple of people prancing around the stage for a bit, being roasted by the teacher afterwards and by the piercing spotlights that blind you, to be honest at that moment, I would much rather go into the 'light". Ofcourse during the pressure of performance, in the opening scene, I stubbed my toe very loudly on the frame that held the set up backstage, very painful, I was forced to do some kind of slow motion jujitsu with my mouth wide open in pain, with my arms resembling someone that has recently had a religiuous enlightenment. I was forced to recollect myself for my next entrance as the grumpy old Mrs White. We settled into the pattern of things when our play was brought to an end, we over ran. We reconvened later on and during my typically British apologising fit when I was alone with the 'lady who does the filiming' she highlighted that it showed our inexperience and how unprepared we are. Well Missy, if I got my kicks out of being mean to young girls, who are obviously sorry and look for opportunities to moan and crush egos, I wouldnt bother getting up in the morning, I would hang myself with my own whip from the van I obvious used to steal children, in my circle of hatred. This wasnt all that happened ofcourse, during a blackout, I bumbled across that stage causing the damn vase to smash everywhere consequently causing me to being shouting profanities and as the lights went up, I was frozen in a 'rabbit in the headlights pose' as my clumsiness was revealed to the room, thankfully, I was told the vase was inexpensive, I still felt bad though, sorry Alex! That stupid women was recording my mishap and it has been filed to shame me when I leave BSG, she got one over on me, no one does that, Ill be there one day poised to steal that tape with my blooper in, I'll get dropped in on a wire in the dead of night if necessary. Of course this weeks highlight has the be my misfortune that I turned up at a house assembly that I was supposed to write with nothing prepared, yes, nothing. I got thoroughly grilled by my teacher who asked me to step outside with her. Now at this point I should have prepared myself for a fist fight, spitting in my palm, pulling up my cuffs and I should have said,

"Hang on, lets drop our weapons, I see that glue gun in your pocket, lose it"

What would have made the moment more funny was if she threw me across the gap in the door as she explained that she was 'fed up' with me, isnt everyone? My plans for this blog have moved forward, if you have any funny questions for me, I will answer them in a video and post it on the blog, so ask away, no question is too weird.

Dont laugh, this is my life..